You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized

                         

                                  More than words
                                  Is all I ever needed you to show
                                  Then you wouldn’t have to say
                                  That you love me, 
                                  Cause I’d already know

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my aunt called me at like 7 plus in the morning and told me to tell my parents to go down to Changi General hospital because my uncle is in a critical condition. the doctor said he probably only have a few hours to live. we delayed until 11 plus when my aunt called to tell us he had passed away.  my grandpa just passed away and exactly 2 weeks later my uncle too. my grandma was in so much pain. it breaks my heart to see her like this.  hiya. what a shit world man.

PAPA CAME BACK!

yesterday was the 7th day since my papa left us. there’s some arguements between the family. even at his wake, his children can fight and argue. i just don’t understand. so instead of staying at mama’s place, i stayed over with my aunt sharon. love her house to the max!  anyway, so yesterday was the 7th day right. and chinese believe that the soul of the deceased will return to see his family for the last time. so what we did was set up an “alter” for him with his rosary and angels all around him.  my aunt made his favourite lamb chops. we even bought the ABC beer for him together with some other wine and his cigarette. he hasn’t been able to smoke and drink ever since he fell sick.  but he was a strong fella.he quit all that in 3 days  and of course suffered the aftermath or whatever.  we also left rice out with dried chilli in it so that he could leave his mark before he leaves for good.

i was the last one to even out the rice and no one touched it after that. after i’m done washing the dishes, i noticed something like a thumb like “dent” in the rice. then after i went to get my parents, 2 other “fingers” appeared. so he was here!  also, we lited a cigarette for him and it finish burning withing seconds. my papa likes to take a deep breath and inhale a lot of that shit when he smokes. all of us were so facinated with the cigarette burning so quickly when it suddenly moved. i swear over whatever, it bloody hell moved ah. no wind NOTHING but it moved.  oh we even bought his favourite hor fan and placed it on his favourite side of the table.  he like his hor fan without egg.

yesterday at 12, i waited for him to come visit us until my mum had to force me to go to bed. i went to sleep with my glasses so that if he does appear, i’ll be able to see him clearly. i woke up suddenly at 0345. it’s that feeling when somebody is standing behind you but there wasn’t anyone. honestly, i was a little scared. then i felt like crying. that feeling lasted for about 10 minutes. so my papa came back to visit us.  my mum told us the next morning that at around 1 plus, she felt someone sqzeeing her. the feeling was similar to someone hugging you. and she couldn’t open her eyes. but she said the feeling was not the kind of errie ones she used to get. then she saw like a bright light in front of her face. (note* her room was pitch black)  . papa came back.

yesterday was enough proof to make me believe that the soul does return on the 7th day.

so anyone who is reading this now please pray for my papa, ROBERT ARTHUR RAJASINGHE, that the lord pardons his sins and that the gates of heaven be open for him sooner.

i love you papa!

my papa left us on 29  Aug 2009, morning. he was cremated today at 4 ish.

for the mass today, i went up to read the first reading and the general intercessions. i was trembling. and i was wearing heels somemore.

i love my papa. all i have left is memories and his handkerchief.

watch over us from heaven papa. especially mama.

ROBERT ARTHUR RAJASINGHE 

1933 – 2009

 

i love you papa.

my grandpa is gonna go. the doctor gave him until 2 am. it pains me to see him suffer like that. lord ease his pain please. let him go peacefully lord please? he promised to be there at my wedding. that isn’t gonna happen. he promised to be there at my sweet 16. that’s not gonna happen either.

i prayed for Jerome to stay in singapore. and he is. lord now i pray for my grandpa that he leaves peacefully. you can take whatever away in return for this prayer. 

i’m gonna miss his laughter, his smile, his scent. i’m gonna miss his “yahoo singapore!” and his lemon sambal chicken. i’ll miss kissing his cheek when i see him. if only he could stay conscious long enough, i’ll tell him how much i love him.

 

A Cure Was Not To Be

©  Ciara

God took a look around his garden and found an empty place
he took a look upon the earth and saw your tired face
he put his arm around you granddad and lifted you to rest
Gods garden must be beautiful for he only picks the best
God knows that you were tired and a cure was not to be
so he closed your weary eyelids and whispered come to me
with tearful eyes I watched you and saw you slip away
although I loved you dearly I knew you could not stay
it broke my heart to lose you but you never went alone
part of me went with you on that day
God had called you home
if you have a granddad cherish him with care
cause you will never feel a heartache until you see his vacant chair.

how now brown cow?

why does life have to suck so much? why are some guys such assholes? why do they always break our heart? it sucks to see my mum like this. why is my life so fucking hard?

hurt your friend for fame?

tsk tsk. shame on you.

i skipped 2 days of school. all thanks to my eye. wink. haha.

the doctor prescribed some pink anti bio-tics for me. it’s like freaking 1/3 of my pinky. gosh. i don’t even wanna take pills the size of a tic tac let alone something so freaking huge. but for the sake of my damn eye, i took it. gross.  i was so close to puking everything out. and after taking it, i feel like i’m floating. woooo~

my brother is trying to do the moon walk. he can’t make it ah. 

i’m definitely going to school tomorrow. i feel bad for leaving Diyana, Marie and Joleen all alone. but oh well, they’ll be able to see my awesome face tomorrow.

KIMBERLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! CELIIIAAAAAAHHHHHH!  that was fun. haha. celia is old. haha. kim’s still a baby. hahaha.     

 i’m probably gonna laugh myself to death tomorrow with the two of them around.  does anyone understand my pain? like everything they do or say can make you laugh till you roll on your tummy. poor santa. i don’t think he’ll be able to get up.  haha.

harry potter. WOOHOO!   emma watson is so purrtty. wth. i mean pretty.

life’s unfair. oh and i freaking need to get a dream catcher. the ones i dreamt of recently are freaking gross and wtf-ish and like just totally disgusting ah. damn it.  

friend? more like back stabber. wow. i think i’m damn stupid. i always knew what kind of a person you are yet i still trusted you. a lil bird told me what you did and now i know how he knew i was talking to his friend. thanks for keeping my secrets.  boo you!

like omg, i think i ate my eye cream. i can taste something damn bitter in my mouth. freaking gross.  Ew~  and, i’ve got an ulcer under my tongue. i talk weird now. me and bonjela just can’t get along.  oh well, life.

i peeed more than 10 times today.  my pimples better start scooting their asses off of my face or else!   i’ll sit at one corner and cry. no, i’ll drown my face in pimple gel. oh wait! i’ll buff my face. haha get it cause then it’ll be smooth?      okay. nvm.

i miss jerome so so so so so so so so so so so so much! i miss him like this much ah ! you can’t see how this much is but it’s definitely not that much. mmhmm~!

in the arms of the angel

however long it takes, i’m never giving up no matter what. i love you this much.